“Doctor, where do babies come from?”
Ah, good question. Yes. Well. I assume you mean human babies, then? Right, of course you do. Human question, human babies. Right. Righty-oh. Right.
Well, you see, it’s all very, well, it’s a bit complicated, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad or frightening, does it? It’s just new. New ideas for you. Always good, learning new things, isn’t it? Part of what life’s all about… really… so there’s that sorted, then. Now, what was your question? Oh. Babies. Yes.
Well, Timmy, when a man and a woman love each other very much, or, well, I should really say when two people love each other very much, depending on the century you’re in, and science, and… is this the twenty-first century, here, or… Oh.
Listen, um, Blimey, I thought defeating the Daleks was hard, okay. Here’s another go.
Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, one of them runs away on her wedding night and flies through time and space with another man. This is all perfectly natural, Timmy, don’t worry. Though I worried, I can tell you, but that’s for another time… And, well, after a bit, the one who ran away starts to miss the other one. So they go back to get him, and all three of them have adventures, and they meet their daughter who’s all grown up now, only nobody knows she’s their daughter… well the daughter does, but she won’t tell them, all this talk of spoilers (what’s wrong with a few spoilers, I ask you?), but, at any rate all four of them now go on even more adventures.
And then, before you know it, all of time and space… all of it, as in everything ever from the beginning until two seconds ago… gets destroyed.
But not to worry! Because one of them remembers. Yes, Timmy, nothing can really be gone if you remember it, can it? No, of course not. And then everybody comes back, and there is a lovely wedding with lots of dancing.
And then, well, the two people who love each other go to their lovely room with bunkbeds…. bunkbeds are cool, by the way, very cool, and let nobody tell you otherwise, Timmy, because we know better, don’t we?
And then, ah, then there is a kind of, well, it’s really kind of a kiss and a hug, is what it is, it’s, very special and natural and nothing is wrong with it, you must understand, no matter how two people decide to… kiss… or … hug…, as long as each one is happy to do it, and, then, um, there’s, there’s more of the kissing on the bunkbeds… or on the ladder of the bunkbeds, and the genetic material of the two people gets mixed up with Vortex energy from the TARDIS, and Bob’s your uncle, the baby is born, but she’s abducted and trained to kill their best friend. Only she doesn’t, you see. She and the friend find a way to save the universe, and everyone lives happily… well, not ever after, of course, that’s only in fairy tales, but they do live happily, um, for a time.
For some wonderful times, Timmy, don’t forget that.
The best of times.